the (im)maturation of me.

Okay, so I am having these feelings: feelings of anxiousness; feelings of restlessness; feelings of feeling...ness.

I am realizing that my maturation over the last several years—while wonderfully liberating in most ways of life and human interaction—has over-corrected itself in very specific areas. Namely, the areas of levity and physicality.

The fact that the words "levity" and "physicality" are a very unforced part of my vocabulary is one of the pluses of maturing, but the fact that those were the FIRST two words to come to my brain also confirms that it (my brain) tends to be stuck in certain modes of thinking—and the mind controls the body, so there you go.

What in the bloody "H"-"E" double-hockey-sticks am I saying here? I am too SERIOUS. I don't goof off anymore; I don't let my mind just be LIGHT anymore. In the supermarket of life, my mind sees only profundity and aesthetics as potential meals. I mean, unless a given activity has the VERY REAL potential of changing my life in some overtly measurable way, I can hardly justify doing a damn thing!

Don't get me wrong, I have my moments. I pride myself on making plural people smile on a daily basis; and speaking of super markets, I never leave one without surfing on my cart all the way to the car. Music keeps me rockin' out as well, after I've had enough NPR to sink my brain's battleship.

And the mind affecting the body thing stands true. I can't do something physical unless my camera's attached to me. I haven't gone wake or snowboarding in 5 years. Anytime I think about going, I hear in my head: "don't even think about it, if you're not taking your camera to get some potential portfolio work!" I am less interested in boarding than photographing someone else boarding. At least, that's what my mind tells me.

Can't I just have some fun? We went to Chuck E. Cheese for my birthday, and that was the funnest I've had in months. I gotta say though, the games there suck these days—Ski Ball and Hoops excepted.

The thing is, when your mind is going so hard so much so often, it becomes a barrier to creativity instead of a catalyst. And I need creativity, so WILL SOMEONE SAVE ME PLEASE???

wes.